the real confession...

Well, church was quite interesting tonight. I got to hear "Negro Spirituals" in English and Portuguese.....by what happens to be one of the most beautiful and articulate choirs..maybe ever. Amazing. All the while, I was trying to ever so discreetly ward off the bugs. "Flying ants" my Brasilian friend says. They come after the rain, fly around kind of like they are drugs, and aggravate everyone. My questions was, "Do they bite?" "No?" But for some reason....the feeling of something crawling up your leg is not.....desirable. Anywho.

I finished my awesome Sunday School class today---I'm so sad---I have to find another one to attend. I'm not really sure what to do about that.

Here's the real confession...
So-you guys want to know my biggest struggle? I'm afraid that I'm a burden/distraction. To those who translate, the rest of the class (or the congregation), and this is so hard. I almost go to pieces every Sunday/church service about this.
Some of this is just normal "I'm living in a foreign country" stuff. The rest of it is an "independence" problem. The thoughts of depending on others is so scary for me. I have a terrible time with this. It is really hard and takes a lot of work to translate for someone. The translator sometimes gets next to nothing out of the service. I really struggle with that. I begin to think about their sacrificial giving-I do my best to thank them. I just don't feel like it is ever sufficient. One girl sacrifices her Saturday nights to do this for me.
I cannot explain my difficulty with these situations. I'm in a good place, with good people, and always a great Word from God (when I do have a translator).
You are thinking-wow-is this the biggest problem she has?
This is tortuous for an extrovert. Walking around without a clue how to talk to, respond to, and communicate with people-anywhere and everywhere.

In all of this, I'm learning to be dependant more on God to provide and put people in my life at just the right times (and He does). It's so hard to depend on people for so much. Think about it, I'm 26, not married, I'm living in a foreign country. That automatically makes me a tad bit independant. But what God is showing me is that it's not about my independence but it is all about how dependant I can be on Him. It wasn't my independence that got me here-it was Him. Do I trust Him? His provisions are always perfect. So-yeah-what am I stressing about? AH!