confessions of.... the us of a and other ramblings....

well, since I didn't blog a bit while I was home-and well, most of you were with me...i'll just say a few words and be done with that part.
I loved being at home with my family, my friends, and all the other weirdos that I know :)
I missed driving my car and getting to that point on i-75 where someone dropped red spray paint on the far right hand lane for like a mile or two.....and then you are almost to the exit (yes, that excites me now). I had some great coffee, amazing chili, and some really cool conversations with everyone. I was very much encouraged and can see how God is using all of that to continuously encourage me in this time.....more about that later. My favorite coffee shop closed and I cheated on them with Starbucks several times.....I guess that is what I get.
I saw the most beautiful baby-Chloe White (newly adopted by the Whites) and got to attend a most special birthday party for her older sister, Gracie.
I spoke at several churches (the highlight!!!) and I absolutely loved sharing about the passion I have for BIS, Brazil, and how God is refining me in these endeavors. I really like to tell others about mission work because I was in their shoes two years ago. I went to a Singles service in Lexington not expecting to be hit with a passion for foreign missions that didn't stop at the tears or the feeling, but turned into a lifestyle. For His renowned-that's why I speak. That's why I tell people what I do-not because I love speaking in front of people (I really don't like to speak in front of crowds) or because I think I do it well. It's the gospel and I am obligated to build other Christians up with this and to encourage them to be missionaries wherever they are and to encourage them to be obedient to God.

I went skiing for the first time :) WAHOOO! That was an amazing time!!! I really wanted to do more than I did, but I kept envisioning teaching in a wheelchair...and I can't do the ABC workout on wheels! Well, I could modify but you know what I mean! Skiing was great-I can't wait to go back. I think I've got my family on board to go next year :) That will be fun! The last few days were crazy. My cellphone was stolen out of the Fayette Mall bathroom on Saturday night (before I left) and my computer-well, it works, but I had to buy a lot of things to make it work.

I need to be honest in the fact that God is really refining me with my electronics and my money right now. The extras in life that don't really matter. I tend to use all my extras with my students, my friends, and ministries around here, but Im feeling called to an even simpler (sp?) lifestyle. I don't know what this looks like as of yet because I just got back into Brazil-but I know that it is probably going to be really hard. God was so good in providing about 2,000 in support as I came back to Brazil. He knew I would need it-as the United Airlines counter refused to let me on my flight until I bought a ticket out of Brazil before my visa expired in July. Their computers don't recognize my type of visa so we went back and forth for about two hours until I finally realized that they were not kidding-they were not going to let me on the flight. I stood there in astonishment and began to work through a process that usually takes about a week. I had no time to find good prices or to try and figure out what date I needed to be back in Brazil for school to start, etc. I slowly began to fall apart. I take things pretty well for a while and then as situations intensify-it all comes to the peak and I end up crying. It was 1:55pm and my flight left at 2:20pm. I was still at the United counter. I just dropped my last dime into a plane ticket and now-the people were busy. I turned to my mom and began to ugly cry (yes, Jenn)-I mean real bad on her shoulder. I couldn't control it and I'm sure the sobs were heard all over the airport. Finally, one of the attendants became free and called me over. They retagged my bags and let me go to security. I finally boarded the plane about 2:15. I don't know why America has to traumatize me every single time I leave the country. I am stronger for it-I dealt with it a little bit better and little bit longer this time (it happens every time). And my dependence on God and just my little under my breath prayers are growing more and more frequent as these things arise.
In all of this-God made it very clear that I will be at home this summer for about 3 weeks July 14th-Aug 8th. I am okay with this. I asked Him several months ago to make it very clear what exactly I was supposed to do. And He did. Mare and Mom aren't sad. :) I'm not sad either-I just didn't like the process. But isn't that the way things are? We are okay in the beginning, don't like the middle, and see God in the end? Maybe not all the time, but sometimes.
So-as Mary becomes a broke seminary student (which I'm so excited for her!)-I have become a very broke missionary. I think it will be good for me. I don't have any back up plans-it is literally all trust. God is so faithful and in a way-I'm kind of relieved at all of these things-I don't have that security in the bank (which would have eventually gone towards another plane ticket this summer or some different mission projects) but He will provide. He cares. He is Enough. It's a good thing that I love ramen, rice, and beans :) And thank the Lord that we have free school lunches-and-I brought back two things of peanut butter. I am so blessed!!! AND-my mom is coming in March for a whole MONTH!!!! Words cannot describe what I feel about this!

Thank you God for all of this. Thank you even if I didn't have these things. Thank you for the things I will go without. Thank You most importantly for your Son, Jesus.